October 2024

While I was clearing the loft, I came across something you have to see. A bedtime stories book that I got for Christmas in 1977 featuring 11 stories, yet only 9 are listed in the contents page. I spotted the errors and marked them up, not least because my favourite story, the little matchstick girl, was missing. 

Do you have examples of being a better proofreader than a senior editor despite being 5 years old?

November 2024

For the information of anyone born after 1981, handwritten letters aren't a Victorian thing. For the first two decades of my life, letters were the only way of communicating with people who didn't live locally so were too expensive to telephone. 

With a handwritten letter, ink and Tippex are the only editing tools and the spellchecker is a dusty book that makes you sneeze. You have to know exactly what you want to say before you start writing. And the delight of choosing the paper. And the pen. It used to be that everyone owned a good pen. That feeling of a silky ballpoint gliding over dimpled paper (*overshare*).

December 2024

There's nothing in my brain, that's what people say, said Taylor Swift - facts: named after James Taylor, loves cats, grew up on a Christmas tree farm in Pennsylvania. 

There's a counterfeit Taylor Swift calendar that pendants will enjoy. The copywriter hasn't got an eye for detail or, probably, a living wage. 

Availablb and beglnning on the front, and if you delve behind the doors . . . most are empty and some offer the gift of plastic with tiny messages featuring Taylor Swoft singing Romeo take roe someailere.

Washing you ill a Morry Crastmus and a Hoppy Ni Yore!

January 2025

I’m surprised that such a short piece took so long, noted the client.

It takes longer to write shorter.

If you don’t believe me, ask Mark Twain, Blaise Pascal, Cicero, John Locke, Henry David Thoreau, Benjamin Franklin, and Woodrow Wilson.

March 2025

In response to a job for writers in women’s health, I noted that I have experience in menopause, and whereas I haven’t written a book about it like television presenter Davina McCall, my fees are lower, and I have immediate availability. I didn’t get the gig.

You can prefix anything with menopause to make it more appealing to ladies in their 50s: menopause pills, menopause tea, menopause shampoo, menopause cheese, menopause fork, menopause shoe. And there’s plenty of scope for articles: menopause at work, menopause and relationships, menopause crying in the pub carpark.

In a journey I make often, I wondered why the road looked different, and when I passed Membury services, I realised I’d gone 10 minutes down the M4 rather than the A34. I kept going onto the A420, which would take me to Oxford. After picking up signs to Swindon, I realised I’d gone 10 minutes the wrong way down the A420. Then I had an idea! Menopause sat-nav! It knows your regular journeys and if you make an unfamiliar turn, it shouts, ‘Wrong way you crazy whore!’

Happy to help.